one day at a time….

I learned that as a kid. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic or two….

Little did I realize how much all that would apply to my every day life now as a none drinking, sober adult. My boss will ask me, “What time do you work tomorrow?”.  I’ll shake my head and reply, “I don’t know yet, i’m still working today!”. One day at a time!

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t!  So I left off on Day 4…..

Day 5 A DAY OFF from work!!!  It’s Sunday, we should be taking today off from dialysis too!!! I’m exhausted!! I feel like one week was more like one month. I even feel asleep on the couch. That seems to happen a lot lately….  I hear him setting up the machine and my blood boils and my heart races and I’m instantly mad. WHY seriously WHY?!?!?! Does he think we are going to do 6 days straight till his appointment on Wednesday? Does he think he can handle that? Does he think I CAN?  So I get up and try to change my way of thinking. I have to start with me, right!  So I talk to him and eventually rationalize, talk myself into, doing the treatment and talking Monday night off. I work 5am-2pm Monday and maybe Monday I’ll be more tired then I usually am…..good point….i mean do i really need to have a full day off from everything….it would be nice…but i guess not….  These are the ramblings in my head, all the time. The treatment happened. He didn’t feel good after either. It was to much, to many days in a row.

Day 6 Was a nice day off from dialysis! I worked….5am -2pm is a miserable shift!! But guess who went to bed before 10pm!!! YES ME!!!

Day 7  My first night shift. Should have been our first morning dialysis. But he forgot to make a batch after day 5’s batch was out. So, instead i’m sitting here listening to the machine make a batch….thinking, I get off work at 9pm…dialysis will be late…great…ya I’m off tomorrow, but we have a 1.5 hour drive to our clinic visit and I can’t stand the drive and always fall asleep….agh….he won’t sleep tonight so he won’t be good for the driving either….frustration setting in…..

What do you do tho…ONE DAY AT A TIME. BREATHE….JUST BREATHE!

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